My absence over the last many moons is only party because I get bored with talking to myself - I lost my precious fake ID, which means that I haven't been going out and having adventures as much as I would like. However! I am turning 21 in less than a week, and you'd better believe that when that happens my life will be utterly fascinating. Exciting x 10. I'm gonna rock this city.
Highlights from the last seven months or so:
I got fired and my boss forgot to tell me, the bastard. That was in September, and I have yet to find a new job. Not even Starbucks calls me back, which is a major blow to my dignity because I thought that a Seattle-trained barista would be hot property. I'm thinking about donating my eggs to an infertile couple and spending the money on laser treatment. If I make a ton of cash by doing something difficult and deeply generous, it seems only fair that I should use it for something frivolous.
I am now a nude model! Gigs have so far included the Queens waterfront, the bathroom in a gallery building in the meatpacking district, and the Polish Photography Association of New York's banquet dinner. Cons - it's cold getting naked in the winter. Pros - I get lots of cute pictures of myself.
I was kissed on New Year's Eve for the first time ever! Amid champagne and fireworks! By a hot Japanese guy! Major milestone, in my opinion.
I've become involved in a liaison dangereuse
, and unlike certain contestants on Survivor
, I know how to spell it. I'm going to have to come up with some sort of impenetrable code with which to talk about it, so I can spill my guts without being indiscreet.
I rode the Howard Dean rollercoaster from the grassroots to the top, and I just looked down and realized that even though we've supposedly come down to earth, I'm still high enough to break my legs when I fall.
Oh yeah, and I'm on Atkins. Again. I lost 6 pounds! I might just be boring my audience (myself) to tears by obsessively talking about it. Example: "My suitemate had a baking party - there are plates of chocolate chip cookies and rice krispie treats and brownies all over the apartment, and ohmygodI'mgettingdizzyjustthinkingabouthem."
Stay tuned - this year's just gettin' started!
(music: Martin Sexton and the Gay Pimp)